Still Adjusting

Well, as many know the hubs is back from his deployment. This one was a little over 4 months and just before that one he was gone for a 6 month deployment. Whew…back to back deployments can take it’s toll on a family that is for sure. 

I have to admit I was a little nervous as to how well we would adjust. Would the awkwardness wear off? Would we argue a lot or be overly passive? Questions and more questions just built up within my mind. Fortunately, it has been a relatively smooth process. We have been home from a 2 week “Vacation High” and this week has been partially “normal” because he hasn’t started back to work yet. 

It seems so strange having him back. This past deployment I wasn’t anything like the one before it. The one before it I seemed to have more support and I made time for myself and even made time to cry and let out emotions, if need be. This recent deployment I didn’t seem to cry at all. It seemed as though I became “stronger” and I really wasn’t sure if I liked this new found “Strength”. It seemed as though I went into survival mode and all that mattered was getting through the days. Emotions were something I had little time for which I know cannot be healthy but it wasn’t something I did by choice it just seemed to happen on its own as the daily stresses built upon each other. I had to deal with so much alone this time around and it seemed as though I was just that…ALONE!

I was so thankful to have Wendy to talk to, my mom and my childhood best friend. Wendy especially so patiently allowed me to “Vent” to her about things that were ailing me or some stressful event that was all important at the time. I felt like she just “Knew” how I felt and understood what I was going though so much better than say, a civilian confidant. It is so unique, that special understanding and unspoken bond that we share as Military Spouses. It is something that I have found no where else in the world when it comes down to support amongst military families. 

Well, I will be on here more often now that the long break is over. It seems as though since my husband’s return I have had a(n) pouring AVALANCHE of emotions about the past deployment and my writer’s block is clearing itself of the “Haze”. For me this is a good thing. Being an emotional person by birth the mysterious loss of emotion due to stress has been difficult on me. I cry when I am happy (happy tears) and I cry when I am sad (sad tears).  I am HAPPY to have my tears back and to feel my family back together in one place again!

Now that I am able to share my tasks with my husband and he with me the emotional release feels so refreshing and my tears like the dew on the break of a new day. Time to close one chapter and begin another. In this case I couldn’t be more happy to do so.