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Got a question? This military life gets pretty crazy, so consider us a resource in managing your military wife life. We are in this together! Whether your husband is in the Ward Room, Chiefs Mess or Crews Mess, we have an experienced “been there, done that” Wife / Contributor that can answer your question.

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57 Responses

  1. hi i have been researching for a friend, and she is looking for the Navy Submarine Warfare Insignia that is adapted for the wives, and i was wondering if you had seen it, or know how, and where to get it. if you have a picture of one that would be GREAT!

  2. Chelsea,
    This is funny that you asked this question because my husband and I were just talking about this. He just had to order his medals in the mini size and I saw the mini dolphins and wanted to wear them on my lapel at the upcoming SpouseBUZZ conference next month.

    He said that you can order them from your base uniform shop. It’s the “mini” size.

    Let me know if that answers your question.

  3. Okay I have a question…I am up in arms about going back to work…after almost 4 years of being at home. The tough part is when my man is out, I have no other back up if things go wrong with kids. I just have to leave the new job and take care of kids first. Well in San Diego no one wanted to hire me because they heard my husband was in the military and they knew either we were moving again or that I had no one to help with kids if say they got sick. I was unreliable and might not be long term. How do you find a job that can be flexible for the military?

  4. N.L. Super Mom,

    I think this is a problem for a lot of military wives. Some wives have lied about what their husbands do to get a job. But I have read that there are a few “milspouse” friendly jobs, such as: Teaching, teachers aid, sub teaching, hospital aid work, real estate, dod positions on base, in home daycare, and sarting a home based business…I know there are more, but this is what came to mind. The base does offer a milspouse job fair and all the companies that take part are aware of your husbands career and family chalenges! The MWR should know when the next fair will be. There are also resume writing classes that are free through the base, check your local base paper for the info. 🙂 But, you have a good point, it is very hard to have a good job and balance being a single parent. Have you ever looked into “sharing a job” ?? SOME companies will let you “share” a position between you and another person, like a friend. You and a friend can BOTH apply for the position and work out the hours between yourselves. This way if you need time off, your friend takes the hours, and if a child is sick, etc. It is like applying for a full time or part time job, but you work Mon, Wed, Fri, and your girlfriend works Tues, Thur, etc.
    But going through the base and attending a milspouse job fair is probably the best way to start!! I hope this helps!! Marie :0)

    Updated 4/24
    This is Wendy here.
    I just wanted to tag onto this question.

    Looking for a job after 4 years could be very intimating, so believe me I can relate.
    My first suggestion would be to go to the Resume classes they have on base, that will help jog your memory for things you have probably volunteered for that you can use as experience. There are probably things you have never thought of that you can add to your resume / CV.
    Creating contacts is the biggest thing. There is also a workshop on base on how to navigate the Navy DoD resume process if you would like to apply for jobs on base. They also have part time jobs via MWR. I have worked for both the Air Force and Army DoD and although it is time consuming to figure out the process, we spouses do get a hiring preference (below veterans of course), but it is higher than a civilian. After all that, you will have made some great contacts. I also think whatever you LOVE to do, that is what you should pursue further. We’ll be rooting for you! Keep us posted!

  5. Ok, my hubby was on an unaccompanied tour to Japan in 2004. He has since extended accompanied in Aug 06′ but have yet to receive command sponsorship approval. It has been 6 months since he submitted everything to his command. Is this a normal wait?? im worried me and my son will not get to join him since he is only there a year and half more.

  6. Michelle,
    We don’t have an answer yet, but we will try and find out. I’m going to go ahead and post this so that other wives can read it…maybe some one has been in your place. I know we have some readers that are currently overseas. Good luck, M:)

  7. Michelle – I’ve sent you an email requesting further info. Please get back to me. Thanks!

  8. I asked the husband, he agreed six months is way to long. Your husband should follow up and find out where the paperwork is in the approval chain. The person who currently has it, your husband should contact them for the status. With only a year and half left, it might be tough to approve (if it hasn’t been approved already).

    Let me know if this answer was helpful.

  9. Well ladies, I am expecting our first child in September. Luckily we won’t be on a boat that is out a lot, at least not quite yet, but when the day comes the little tyke will be old enough to know that Dad isn’t around. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to teach your kids why Dad is gone and what/why he is doing it? Any suggestions on how to make sure that during those long six month deployments or underways the little one remembers who Dad is?

  10. Katee, OH How exciting!! A BIG Congratulations to you and your husband!! I’m thinking we could answer this question on air. Marie and I are taking calls on our next show. Email me back and let me know if you are open to calling in??

    In the meantime, I think the ladies will have lots of creative ideas for you however here are a few of mine:

    As far as teaching him/her why daddy is gone: There are few deployment childrens books I have seen that would be great for this. We will have to post those links in a future post. The Elmo video is also a great option. (See previous post).

    Suggestions to keep baby connected to daddy: Have him video tape himself reading to her, talking to her and video tape them together, so she can watch and feel connected.

    Place his photo near her crib or bed so it is a very visable place so she can talk to him. (her / him)

    His voice on audio tape too, I think is a great idea. They can say prayers together at night. 🙂

    These are just a few ideas to help while the little tyke is still “little”.

    Let me know about the “on-air” part.

    Congrats again!!!

  11. in response to the when daddy is away question…it’s a little silly, but my sister (airforce) would tell my niece that daddy was earning some extra money so they could go shopping…silly i know…my dad who is army, recorded himself reading a book…he is on his 3rd deployment right now and my little sister(12) still listens to it every night and falls asleep to it.. gl and congrats sweeti

  12. Does a Navy Wife have to be a female? I have found no such site for Navy husbands and was wondering what the answer to my question would be. Thanks and good job ladies.

    STS1 (SS/DV) Clayton

  13. Jason –

    Please send us your questions and we will happy to answer!!

    Thanks for the words of encouragement!!

  14. Where can I find more information on sub homecoming traditions? I’m fairly new to this and on our first deployment, but am in a very weird boat situation and having trouble getting questions answered. I keep hearing about leis and first kiss and no one is explaining what they are! Thanks!

  15. Tara,
    We can answer homecoming questions for you! 🙂 What questions do you want answered first?? lol I will email you too!

  16. Marie:

    Thanks! Our boat has no FRG, although we’re working on that, and it’s currently a little disorganized, but we’re trying to go ahead and plan our Homecoming for the guys.

    However, most of those into planning are new to this, and don’t know the traditions. Is there anything that is “tradition” or “typical” for sub homecomings? I’ve heard about First Hug/Kiss, and the lei…is there anything else, or any really awesome ideas that you guys have thought/heard of? This is a very special homecoming, for various reasons, so we’d like to make it especially awesome for the guys!

  17. Hi Tara- I am an FSG VP out here in Pearl! Please email me and I am happy to help!!

    I figured form “leis” that you were here too 🙂 Aloha and E Komo Mai.

  18. I’m wondering why I am not getting email from the ship when everyone else seems to be. I can write him…but when he replies or writes me…I do not receive it. Neither does his family. But people on this ship ARE receiving his emails. I AM receiving the Alerts from the Captain. Any idea what’s going on??? Other crew members are not experiencing this problem. Thanx, Zee

  19. Zee,
    Depending on his job he just might not have the free time to write…especially if he isn’t qualified yet. If you can get one of your girlfriends to relay a message for you that might be helpful. My guess is he is just swamped with work. It happens…..I hope you get a mail drop soon! 🙂

    Also, sometimes even if he “sends” the email it might not make it through…..that happened to me a lot!! My husband used to print off emails he had written and include them in the mail drop. One time he even took a photo of his computer screen with his outbox up showing all the email he had sent that I never rec’d.

  20. I know he’s busy…but when we get to talk on the phone (rarely) he refers to emails he’s sent me…and I haven’t received them. I guess it must be a kink in the system. Thanx! Happy day after the 4th…aka the 5th! Haha!

  21. I hope me providing an answer isn’t out of place.
    My experience on our last fast attack proved that email is a fickle thing. We had a problem where 1 person tried to send an attachment to the boat and that backed up our email system (both ways) for a month, it even started backing up siprnet. Or so we were told by squadron at that time. Squadron had to go in and sift through email finding the one with the attachment and remove it, but they had trouble doing it.
    NOT that this is your problem.
    But its an example of a simple thing that can mess up the email.
    Sometimes when the boat sends email they have to cut it short and end up loosing alot of email they planned on sending.
    Let me go into a bit more detail.
    The boat can only send/receive email when it is surfaced; when it surfaces its primary goal is to down load (and send) boat/mission speicific email and then if they have time they down load all other email. Last of all they send off the crews email. At any point in time if they cut it short and have to dive, they will loose email or you might get the same email 5 times. lol
    They use a satalite to send email, so if there is a problem with bad weather or something else it could effect email.
    And alot of the older boats still only send and receive between 4 and 14K. (at home the slowest we download at nowdays is usually at a 54K connection- dial up. so we know that is slow, imagin down loading at 4-14k)
    Hope that helps some

  22. I would also keep sending email. Receiving is easier than sending, so don’t hold it against him….especially if you have gotten a phone call! 🙂

  23. Thanks, Ladies! 🙂

  24. My daughter just recently turned 1 and my husband and I are considering Private School for her. I have been looking into it and frankly I am completely overwhelmed. Tuition, Applications, waiting lists… I really don’t know what to do… Being Military and moving around so much is Private school really feasable? When should I start looking into preschools and should I look at all of the places that we have the possibility of moving to?

  25. It really depends on where you live and what you want. I went to public and private schools all through my own childhood. If you live in a great school district, sometimes there isn’t a need for Private School, but if you live in an area where the school district isn’t that gret, you might want to do private school. I love the structure of private school, but my childrens public school now is wonderful!!! It is not hard to get into all private schools. Some are “overrated”. I suggest buying future houses based on the Public School System thet are in. That will not only help your child, but it helps the resale value of your home. Private school can run you anywhere between $3,000.00-$20,000.00 a year. My 3 siblings and I have done both public and private for our entire life. It really won’t matter in the end as long as you as the parents set the standard for your child. My brothers, sister, and I were all A students and have furthered our education to become English majors, Engineers, etc. . .Life is what you make of it. You will be the biggest influence in your childs life, not the school. I think that you should do what feels right and keep you mind open to all avenues. And my parents moved every few years (we were not military) as well. It was not an issue. 🙂 You daughter doesn’t have to go to pre-school if you would like to keep her home. She will not be behind. My son did not attend prek b/c I was able to stay home with him. He scored higher than most of the kids that went to prek. I only suggest prek if you need to work. They grow up soo fast and you’ll miss them once they are gone. I say, take a deep breath and take it one day at a time. Ask youself why you want private vs. public, write it out and see if there are options for your reasons. You will amake the right decision!! Good Luck!

  26. Thanks Marie, I feel a little better now.:)

  27. Nita-
    Great question. I’ve known many military parents who have put their children in private schools for various reasons.

    I will have to wrestle with that decision next year as my son will enter middle school. Ive entertained putting him in a Catholic private school that is very well known for academics and sports, even though we are not Catholic. The cost is about 12,000 a year.

    As far as preschool. One of the best preschools at our old duty station was at a local church. They had a waiting list. Ask other moms, do your research once you know where you’ll be living. Online message boards can be great for this.

    I look forward to reading more comments from those going through this right now. A list of pro and cons and reasons why is always a great place to start.

  28. Thaks so much, Wendy and Marie, I can always count on you guys for answers or places to look to get answers. don’t know what I did before I found you 2.

  29. Hi! I’m a new Navy Sub Wife, but I’m a Navy Brat, so I thought I knew a lot about the Navy, but I’ve been shocked lately with it. My husband is on shore duty now in King’s Bay and we were both expecting to have more time together, but he’s been working 12 hours shifts 7 days a week for a month now- do you know if this is normal for shore duty in the Sub world? Are there regs about this? Also, I don’t know who to talk to here- I don’t know if Sub commands have ombudsmen, but no one has contacted me since we moved here 5 months ago. I know no other wives- who can I approach here to help discuss these issues? This website looks like a great source of support and information, bravo to you all!

  30. Stephanie,
    Contact me with what command he is attatched to in a “private email” and I will let you know what we find out. I’m thinking I know where he works. . .and depending on what is going on, it may be “normal”. But, lets see what we can figure out! 🙂 And es, you should have an ombudsman, once I know what command, I can fin more informatio for you. Are you coming to our event Sat?? There are still 15 seats open! You can meet a ton of women in your same sitution!! You need to get out and make some new friends!


  31. Stephanie –

    Frankly it depends on his shop. I would ask your husband, it may be a temporary thing, or only until new guys arrive. They might also be working on a big project. I’d also ask him to pass along your info to the Ombudsman and/or FSG, my first choice would be the phone #’s to some of the wives of the husbands he gets along with. 🙂 I hope this answer helps. Look on the bright side, he could be deployed on an IA to the Horn of Africa. 🙂 Keep your chin up *big hug*

  32. I am a Navy girlfriend and I was wondering how you met your husbands.

  33. Sarah,
    I met my husband before the Navy was even a thought. I worked at a pet shop when I was 16 and he was coming in for something. . .He then came in every night that I happen to be working, but never had the nerve to talk to me. This went on for a few months. One night I got a call from a co-worker and she said that there was a guy that wanted to ask me out. . .It was him!! We went on a date, talked all night, and never really left each others side. He was in college and one day when we were 18 and 20, he asked me to marry him. I said no, (b/c of our age) and he asked again and again. . .I said yes, then months later he said he wanted to leave college and “serve”!!?? I was completely caught off guard. But I was in love and supported his decision, eventually. . .2 kids, a mortgage, and almost 7 years of marriage/Navy life (got married at 19 and 21) and we are still going strong.

  34. Hi Sarah – Oh gosh, when I remember being a “Navy girlfriend”, I have such fond memories of that time. I am so thankful to the Navy wives who made me feel so welcomed and made sure I was on Phone Trees ..etc…going out of their way to make me feel “connected” while he was out to sea. It was a such a comfort, as my other girlfriends really could not relate to this unique lifestyle. I met my Sailor online and had no clue about the Navy world. I had worked for both the Army / AF and really thought I’d never date a man in uniform *again* ha! But…the good Lord had other plans for me. 🙂 Best of luck to you and your Sailor!!

    I’m so glad you found our blog! 🙂

  35. How do I find you all on myspace?

  36. Ok, here are our links. . .we are going to “re-do” both sites and add one for our network. When I do this (hopefully by end of next week) I will post it on our blog!!

    This one is going to be Wendy and my personal one:

    This one is Navy Wife Radio:

    Please help us spread the word!!!
    Thanks Cirissa!!

  37. Yes, be sure to request to be one of our friends!! 🙂

  38. Just curious when and how to get really connected with other wives and all the support there is with the navywife community. Right now my Submariner fiance and I are apart. I’m in Indiana and he is stationed in HI. We are getting married in December and then shortly after that he goes back to HI and has a long deployment period. So from todays date we won’t be living together and getting to have shore duty for at least 18 months possible 24.

    I’m not real worried about the deployment because we are apart now and will be again after the wedding but it doesn’t make missing him any easier.

    He would like me to move to HI with him if he has to stay longer than October of 09 until we can be stationed somewhere else together however I don’t want to pack up my kids and all my life and the exspense of moving all 4 of us to HI to join him for what could be as little as 3 months. Also, 2 of my children are from a previous marriage so that is a little bit more diff. as well.

    I hate being away from him but am trying to keep this as easy on everyone as possible. I would like to continue to learn and be as involved as I possibly can from here until we actually get to shore duty and start our life together.

    Any idea or input anyone has would be great!

    Thanks so much.

  39. Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans.

  40. Courtney – As a girlfriend….depending on his command, you can still be on the phone tree and get information on the ship/boat. He would have to add your name to the list. When I was a girlfriend, we had a wonderful command and I was on the phone tree and invited to all the spouse functions…..then again every command is different. Even if you are on the email list it can make you feel “connected” to his world and other spouses / girlfriends. I know travel can be expensive, however you might consider a trip out to HI or to a port call vs. a big move for only 3 months as you mentioned. Moving kids back and forth is a hardship and if you can start your life together with one “big” move vs. two, that would offer some stability. Then again, only you know what is best for your family. Have him give your info to the Ombudsman…that is a good place to start. Separation is hard, I hope the time goes by fast!

  41. Does a Navy Wife have to be a female? I have not found much thus far for Navy Husbands. My wife will be enlisting in the Navy soon and I am looking for adjustment support. I saw a question from last year, but all it said was to email you, but I see no contact us to email you

    Very good site !



  42. Hey Scott –
    You are right, we need a Contact Us section….I will work on that.

    Yes, there are male milspouses, in fact we are interviewing one tonight on the show.

    Be sure to check it out at

    Thanks for your kind words and for your question.

    Keep in touch,

  43. Hey Scott

    This show is for all Military Spouses! We hope you will come and listen.

    Tonight we will have Thomas Litchford on our show. He is a military Spouse and columnist for Military Spouse Magazine. Hope you will listen in!

    So glad to hear from you Scott and Welcome to the wonderful world of Military Life!

    Best Wishes,

  44. Thank you. I was unable to listen to you live, but just now did on iTunes. Thank you for mentioning my situation. Looks like I found you all just in time !

    You do good work, thank you


  45. Hi Scott – Thanks for listening!! I’m glad you enjoyed the show. You will have to subscribe to the show in iTunes and mark Tom’s blog in your favorites ( and

    Please keep in touch!

  46. Glad to see you were able to listen to our Podcast on iTunes you can also check out Military One Source for some great information and resources. You can also download our Podcast there as well. Glad we could be of help to you and thanks for the great questions and comments!
    Best Wishes,

  47. My boyfriend is at a forward operating base in Kabul. Just got a phone call and rambling voicemail from a 703 (DC) area code. Bad connection, but I think it was him–can’t tell for sure. Anyone else get a call from Kabul with a 703 area code??

  48. It sounds like he was using someones cell to contact you??

  49. Hi girls! I’m Kate from The Paycheck Chronicles (and also Sea of the She from Spousebuzz) and I was hoping that you would come by and check out my new site. Comments, opinions (truthful, of course) and any promotion greatly appreciated!

    Thank you in advance.

  50. Kate – It sounds interesting! I will for sure head on over and check it out. We love 🙂

  51. last year i was the winner of the book contest for Nights in Rodanthe. I was
    under the assumption that i was to receive a copy of the book which i have yet
    to receive. since then (two months ago) we moved off post. i was wondering if i
    will still be receiving the book.


  52. My fiance is in the military, this is his first year in basic training. We’ve been together for about a year now. He wants me to move up there with him on base, and i want to live with him and be with him as well. But I have a few questions,

    will I be able to get my schooling done there with him while I live with him on base?

    Will I get to see him all the time?

    When do you think is the right age to start a family, while your husband is in the military? and why?

    I can use some advice from, please messege me back thank you!!

    • Hi Meg –

      Congrats on your upcoming marriage. Not sure if your fiance is in school right now, but if he is at his first duty station you can certainly attend college on base or off depending on where you get accepted. The MyCAA program is a wonderful (check out scholarship you can apply for once you are married.

      “Will you get to see him all the time?”

      That depends on what you mean by “all the time”. The best person to answer this question is your fiance. Work hours can be long, and if he has duty he could be gone for 24 hours or longer at a time.

      As far as what is the “right age to start a family”, that is a personal choice…although I recommend spending time as a couple and getting to know one another as husband and wife before jumping into kids. We attending pre-martial counseling through our church which was a huge help in each of us sharing our goals both individually and as a couple. It’s important to talk about all your hopes and dreams.

      I was 28 before I had my son, while I have friends who were in their early 20’s. It just depends….then again sometimes nature chooses for us and we just roll with it!

      Best of luck!

  53. Hi, I am looking for information on army bases in both Germany and Japan. We are trying to figure out which would be better for us we have a 2 and 4 year old and are getting ready to go overseas, but have to choose one of these first. I would like to know about the travel oppurtunities and the character of the people. Which is better by opinion and which is worst. Just any volunteered info would be greatly appreciated. Thank You!

  54. Thanks for the question Morgan. I’m going to post this on our Facebook page, I’ll send you an email. Thanks for your question. BTW – we have moved our blog over to – please check us out at the new place.

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