Words from my mouth

Sometimes my life is a bit like an out of body experience. Not in a bad way, not at all, its just that sometimes I find myself saying things that ten years ago I couldn’t have imagined coming out of my mouth.

Since becoming a wife and mother the following strange things have come out of my mouth.

“Have a great day. Oh wait you forgot your gas mask.”

“Please find another place for this crappy piece of tank, I just chipped my pedicure on it.” Flyboy brought home a piece of an Iraqi tank his first deployment over there. Its not too big, the size of a large laptop. But really does it belong in our living room?

“Do not brush your hair with the fork your eating with.” Around here we use clean forks for that.

“Daddy just flew over the house lets go inside and get cleaned up.”

“Get away from there, the cow is about to poop on you!”

“Please don’t your finger in the dog’s butt.” To his defense, it was the first time that Dash-1 had really been around dogs at my in laws and at the time the dogs were bigger then him and well… their butt was eye level. Never underestimate the curiosity of a 18 mth old!

“Thank you for offering but we don’t share boogers.”

“Please take your underwear off your head and hand Mommy her wallet.” Yes I keep spare underoos in my purse, elmo ones to be exact, Dash-1 was sitting in the cart and all of a sudden the cashier starts laughing. I turn to look and what do you know Dash-1 is wearing his spare underwear on his head and shaking his money maker.

“Why are there shoes in the dishwasher?” Still no answer to this one.

“Please, those are tampons, not torpedoes.”

You know whats even stranger…. as I type these things out they don’t seem all that weird to me. I’m becoming used to it all and at least I’m polite I do say please a lot.

2 Responses

  1. I have tears streaming down my face.

    We actually have also uttered the words “Please don’t put your finger in the dog’s butt.”

    Let’s see some others were:

    (When I decided they each needed separate tub time) Stop that, it’s your brother’s. You can’t touch his private area.

    (After our son was born) No, I can’t put the new baby back and pull out another sister.

    I could go on, but my goodness, I’m still rolling with laughter. Thank you for that very funny post.

  2. Oh my gosh, hilarious!! I’m trying to think of some..

    “LID!! LID LID!!” he just had to have a blender.

    “Why is my cat in the freezer?”

    “My bag is not a trashcan.”

    No.. I don’t have children..

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