Missing Milestones

   

            My son turned one year old a couple of weeks ago. I was away from home for a good chunk of his birthday and feel a little really guilty about it. I don’t know why because my husband has missed countless holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and other significant events. I suppose in a way I didn’t feel justified in my absence. I sure as heck wasn’t deployed. I just had plans with my mother and my aunt. We had already celebrated with a party the previous weekend. So, why then, did I feel so guilty? Perhaps it stems from the fact that I’m the one constant in our family. I’m always home. I’m the one who remembers to order/bake the cake. I make the plans. I have been known to commemorate little moments with pictures and videos. All this stuff eludes my husband. It’s just not his forte. He loves our children dearly, but because of his job, he’s just not as in tune with things as I am. He’s not at home even half as much. I don’t envy him. Well, I take that back, I do envy the tropical port calls in the dead of winter. What I’m not jealous of though is how he misses the kids and has missed so much.

 

            I’ve been there when they’ve started to crawl and say first words. I’ve witnessed tender moments between sisters as they are helping each other out and don’t know I’m watching. Trust me, that’s a big one, because most often they are fighting like crazy. My husband often reflects on how lucky I am. In a sense, it falls into the category of you can’t have what you want or the grass is greener. You moms on the homefront with deployed husbands can surely understand this. I imagine there are many dads at home who’s wives are deployed who can also relate. It’s tough all the way around. It’s our life though. We love it. We hate it. We just make it work.

 

            Since my husband’s schedule fluctuates so much, it’s rare that I can make plans and keep them. So, it was a rare occasion for me to actually be away from home without children in tow. I felt completely confident that my husband would make the day enjoyable for the kids and do some fun things with them. Of course, the baby is so young, he didn’t even realize it was his birthday—just another day. Of course, the little stinker took his first steps while I was away. Great moment for dad, a little bittersweet for me though.

 

 

 

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7 Responses

  1. LOL! Jenn just mentioned to me that she was not deployed when she was gone OOPS! I assumed that is what she meant cause I knew she was military. LOL! I feel like a dummy. HA HA! So disregard the comment above. Jenn, tell your self that you are not gonna listen to that “false Guilt” We have celebrated our kids birthdays on more “convenient” days, I am sure lots of people do that. The kids just care about the cake and presents. They could care less what day they get them on especially when they are that little. I am glad you could break away and get a little mom time to yourself. We all need that from time to time! HUGS!

  2. Jenn,

    Fist off- Jessica is silly lol 😉
    Second- I think you should embrace the feelings that you had and continue to be as thankful as you are strong! I’m sure it was great for your husband to be home, but hard for you to be away. But you shouldn’t feel ANY guilt!!

    :o)

  3. I know, I know. It’s so hard though. I have my moments where I complain and want to get a break and just get away. Then, I do and bam, I miss something good.

    Thanks for the responses ladies. I’m trying to make sure I have more “me” time when the husband is home that way I won’t resent him…..errr, be as jealous, when he’s away.

    🙂

  4. Its so hard to balance it all. When he’s away all I want is a little time to myself when he’s home, then he gets home and I know in a week or so he’ll be gone again so I feel guilty for not “mazing” out the family time. Its a vicious cycle! I think its really hard to step out of mommy mode and into “me” mode when you are so often the only parent around.

    GOOD for you for enjoying some time for yourself. YOU DESERVE IT!

  5. Regret is the most expensive thing in the world. You keeping paying for the same thing without ever getting anything. There is no point in kicking yourself over a decision already made. Just ask yourself if you had it to do over, knowing only what you knew at the time, would you have made the same decision? If the answer is yes then that is the end of it. If the answer is no then you learned something for the price of your tuition. You don’t keep paying the fee for a course you already passed, so don’t keep paying for this.

  6. Thanks for the bit of advice JP. Excellent point! I like the way you think.

  7. Yes – although I know missing those moments is not fun, your kids will be better off with a mom who is well rested, has time to refresh and be re-energized to be a better mom and person.

    You are inspiration to us all to remind us to take those much needed breaks regularly – and NOT feel guilty about the time away.

    Ive taken girl trips with my mom, grandmother and aunt (and even Marie and I did a girls trip) and I can tell you they were all unique and provided memories to last a lifetime……not to mention lots of laughs.

    *Cheers to No Guilt Living*

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