Should I Go to the Wives Meeting??!

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Guest Blog submitted by Brianna:

I have never really understood the hesitation some Navy wives show about being a part of wives groups and/or talking with their Ombudsman. I have had an abundance of awesome ombudsmen and only one that was so-so. I actually became an Ombudsman as well, and worked so hard to make sure that the wives knew if they needed anything I was readily available.

It wasn’t until last week that I finally figured it out.

I was waiting in the medical building where we are stationed for some shot records. While I was waiting there there were three Navy wives deep in converstation. I couldn’t help but over hear the things they were discussing as I was sitting right in the middle of them. They went from things like “Where are you from?”, “Where have you been stationed before?”, “Do you live in Housing?” those types of things. After listening awhile I learned that the youngest wife was dealing with her first patrol. I hate hearing that because I remember how hard mine was so that immediately tugs at my heart strings. But she seemed to be doing very well. Here comes the kicker. One of the wives spoke up and said “Take this from a Navy wife of 6 years. Go to your wives meetings.” I could feel my heart beating out of my chest! I was SO EXCITED that I finally heard someone talking good about wives groups. Thank goodness. But then after the short silence the wife spoke again “Go to the wives meetings and get boat information and then leave. Don’t go to social functions or the childrens functions. Thats where the drama is.” I could actually feel her words spread across the room. It’s like is was a disease infecting anyone who came in contact with them. I was crushed. Here this young wife sat so impressionable and so lost as she lived far from home and here I thought she was getting some legitimate advice.  It took everything in me not to speak up but I held my tounge.

As I sat there I looked back on when I was President of the wives group, then when I became Ombudsman and I remember having wives that would only come for boat information. I would work SO HARD to get them to be a part of our activities but only a few would be willing. These words are so reckless. Anyone hearing this converstation would be inclined not to go to wives groups because of these comments.

Just because one Ombudsman is bad doens’t mean they all are.

Just because one wives group was bad doesn’t mean they all are.

You can only hope that the people in charge of the wives group will help to put an end to any of the silliness that may happen. But please don’t judge a book by its cover. The wives group is a GREAT place to meet people and is very helpful in keeping you busy during deployments. So if you haven’t given your wives group or Ombudsman a shot lately please go test the waters. You never know, you may walk away with a friend for life!”

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Thanks B.!

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6 Responses

  1. B. – A wives meeting was where I first saw Marie, although we would “meet” later on the soccer field. So yes….a wives meeting can be a good thing! Thanks for the great post!

  2. Awww…Wendy did you just say that I was “a good thing” that came from a wives meeting!? hehe

  3. lol, I remember those wives who would come in just to get the boat info and then would leave. They would get so upset that we would do all the social stuff first and wait till the end of the gtg/meeting to release the boat info. We did alot of planning to make these nights fun, and to arrange child care, food etc. it really sucks when you try to get wives/gf’s/family involved (in support of each other) and no one participates. Personally it used to make me feel a bit hurt and sometimes leave me feeling like whats the point. But never the less we still kept them going.

    I think its important to make sure people understand that your FSG/wives group will not tolerate the gossip and foul play that the rumors lead every one to believe goes on at these meetings/gtgs. Once that is known, the chances of getting those few new wives to come out and see for themselves what the meetings/gtgs are about are better.

  4. In the beginning I went to a few wives meetings for my hubby’s boat and they were alright. But recently over the past 2 months when he was gone I found myself nervous to go to meetings due to a little group of younger wives who took it upon themselves to gossip about me behind my back and they don’t even know me…I’m hurt by all this and to avoid and drama and them I don’t go anymore. Should I go to them anyway?

  5. Liz –
    I had this great comment that was somehow deleted…grrr…I’ll try to recreate.

    I have been apart of great FRG’s and not so great one’s. Its unfortunate when gossip and drama sneak into meetings. FRG meetings exist to support, inform and be a source of fun expecially when the guys are gone.
    My first instinct when I read your question was that folks transfer on and off the boat all the time at a pretty frequent pace. If you decide to go to another meeting, there will probably be new wives there. That would be one reason to attend. Plus, wives that have not been to a mtg yet, might be there. You just never know.
    You might also try an event to attend vs. a mtg, that way you can cut out early without much notice if you find it isn’t your thing.
    I hope those suggestions help.

  6. thank you i just dont’t understand the need some of the women feel to gossip so much especially about those they don’t know.

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